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airin21
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Joined: 03 Sep 2007
Posts: 65
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 Posted: 04/09/2007 03:00 Post subject: dear J., |
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Dear j…hmm, wow…I’m writing a diary….very interesting, though I think I’ll stop sometime soon…cause…diaries are not made for me…anyways…let’s see…what I’m doing and thinking now?? Well…I’m sitting in my room, on the floor, with my back against the wall, with the phones in my ears, listening to music at full volume and crying. After like 2 hours from this scene, a scene that happens really often, comes my mother, that hearing me cry probably asked herself what’s wrong with me. When she came in, she said something, but I didn’t hear what, cause I still had the phones in my ears, but anyways I told her to get out and leave me alone…then like an hour she was trying to make me tell her what the hell happened. But me, still crying, even better, I started shaking, I don’t know why, probably cause of stress, so I did nothing else but answering “yes” to all her questions, even if I was thinking right the opposite…and looking at air. Doesn’t matter how she was trying, how she was telling me that she can’t take it anymore, that I brought her to depressions and still trying to find out what happened to me, I still was giving her the same answer…to leave me alone and that even dead I won’t tell her… ......
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[why to live in past,when past is allready dead,but u are still alive? why to say that you live in future when u even know what mean the past? why are u afraid of past? why u don't want to meat him? why you must think of the future when maybe you can die right now? why you don;t know to live in present? the past mean to be dead, the prezent mean to live,and the future is nothing....Past,present and future..wich on of this you chose? and..is better to chose now,untill is not to late...] |
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airin21
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Joined: 03 Sep 2007
Posts: 65
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| Posted: 06/09/2007 20:37 Post subject: |
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.[..in one day,someone,one of my real friends was told me like this: " go out, look at the sun, and than scream" i'm what i want,not what u want".. but u know what? when i was tried to do it do u know what i was found?..that i;m an marionette,yeah ,for 16 year i was an marionette,and now when i want go,,what is wrong? i foll down and i;m hurt..and y? because of them? because of all the ppl who lied me?..damn when i;m thinking how much i can help the others...how many ppl i was help from depress...but what about me? what i;ve done with me? i was let myself to fall down..to love..to hate.to be hated..to do bad things.. i was let myself to fall down..to love..to hate.to be hated..to do bad things..i want so much to.be heal...many times i stay and i;m looking in the mirror and i say" hmm, how wonderful has been this day,,how much i was talk to Dev..or how grate movie i saw" and than what is happen? i start u cry..y? i dont know..maybe cause i miss something ore someone..i don't know....i really don't know....]
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[why to live in past,when past is allready dead,but u are still alive? why to say that you live in future when u even know what mean the past? why are u afraid of past? why u don't want to meat him? why you must think of the future when maybe you can die right now? why you don;t know to live in present? the past mean to be dead, the prezent mean to live,and the future is nothing....Past,present and future..wich on of this you chose? and..is better to chose now,untill is not to late...] |
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Kuro_Mantra
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Joined: 04 Sep 2007
Posts: 20
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| Posted: 07/09/2007 11:33 Post subject: |
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I want to give you an advice but I don`t know if it works for the rest of you... try to see the positive parts ... and try to enjoy the most common things... if you really want to be "healed" you can. IF YOU TRULY WANT... but you have to be ambitious ...  and forget about other poeple say... I`m also known as "nerd" so what? I don`t care  I`m happy |
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airin21
Administrator
Joined: 03 Sep 2007
Posts: 65
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| Posted: 07/09/2007 11:43 Post subject: |
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yeah,Mantra.u have right..but you know..this journal..is something from my past..u know that now i'm a little different:)..u know.. here i will tell all of my story;).anyway thanx alot for u're adviece 
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[URL=http://imageshack.us][/URL]
[why to live in past,when past is allready dead,but u are still alive? why to say that you live in future when u even know what mean the past? why are u afraid of past? why u don't want to meat him? why you must think of the future when maybe you can die right now? why you don;t know to live in present? the past mean to be dead, the prezent mean to live,and the future is nothing....Past,present and future..wich on of this you chose? and..is better to chose now,untill is not to late...] |
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airin21
Administrator
Joined: 03 Sep 2007
Posts: 65
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| Posted: 09/09/2007 17:58 Post subject: |
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today...now..i don;t know y..but again i feel bad..again i feel like my heart is broken..i can feel my tears...i miss him so much..  yeah..i miss my boyfriend..i need him now.. cause i'm so afraid..i'm afraid to do not fall down again..i don;t want to cry again...i was though that my soul is heal,but i was wrong...is hurt so much! i want to scream..i want to cry..i don;t know....but i need him...can someone to help me? what i must to do until he will became here,in my town?...how i will resist?? i'm afraid...i must fight.but if is will happen something with me,again?than,what i will do?? i feel like a pain in my soul...what i suposed to do for stop all this thing??? what?????...i want him...i need him..but what can i do???..i even don;t have credit on my phone...can you help me?
_________________
[URL=http://imageshack.us][/URL]
[why to live in past,when past is allready dead,but u are still alive? why to say that you live in future when u even know what mean the past? why are u afraid of past? why u don't want to meat him? why you must think of the future when maybe you can die right now? why you don;t know to live in present? the past mean to be dead, the prezent mean to live,and the future is nothing....Past,present and future..wich on of this you chose? and..is better to chose now,untill is not to late...] |
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